What is that, velvet?

In a related story, my pursuit of a more colorful life encouraged me to add positively decadent blue velvet curtains to my living room on Saturday. They are a deep and lusty shade of royal -- almost purple, and fuzzy to the touch. After adding a similarly-hued plush rug and several pomegranate candles, I realized I'd turned my home into a brothel.

Tomorrow is my Scorpio sister's birthday. I had her gift planned for many months, but after struggling in vain with the color laser printer and wasting 20 sheets of photo paper attempting to get the %&*#$%ing thing to line up correctly, I began searching online for a digital print service. I've played with Snapfish in the past, but my work computer does not have Java enabled and their site couldn't function. So I went to Shutterfly and was instantly inspired.

Shutterfly has these gorgeous hardbound photo books they make for a very reasonable price (can one use "very" to qualify reasonable? Or is something either reasonable or unreasonable, like being pregnant or not?) with a variety of materials, themes and colors to choose from. One of my planned winter projects is to cull a few hundred of the printed photos from the archive I have amassed and put them in albums. But how much cooler would it be to instead scan them and make bound books with inscripted spines and those little photo corners? I imagine the quality is even better when using digital images, but I'm not talking high class portfolio-worthy photographs here -- just those mid-party snapshots and fun underwater vacation pics. I could even do an entire book of Dumb Pictures of My Feet! I've decided to give the service a test-run and do a small book for my mother for Christmas -- photos of me and the sis and the father, perhaps. Moms are easy to please, especially when they only see their daughters once yearly.

I am going to see the fam for Christmas, but the parentals are spending Thanksgiving alone, for the love of god (emphasis my mother's). I searched endlessly online for flights to beautiful Boca so I could surprise them, but the cheapest ticket I could come up with was a red-eye with 3 layovers for $650. Unfuckingreasonable. (No qualifier necessary.) It's too bad, because I could use some sunshine right about now since even while employing the Happy Lite® six hours daily, hibernation still beckons from the sleepy bear den. I was warned about the Northwest, so I won't complain. I'll just drink more coffee.

Boca will still be a worthy retreat in December for the pagan evergreen rituals. My parents live 3 blocks from the beach and their condo overlooks the Intracoastal Waterway, where the annual boat parades travel, enormous yachts and cigarette boats with live music, covered in tinsel and lit up like... well, a Christmas tree. My parents are still in denial about "boca raton" meaning "rat's mouth". While not my favorite place on earth -- Newark with Palm Trees -- a cultural vacuum and a frightening place to explore on foot -- it has sunshine and coconuts. And I must tell you the single most exciting thing about Christmas in Boca is the Dunkin' Donuts across the street from my parent's condo. All I want for Christmas is a giant iced hazelnut coffee. Please don't tell my Seattle java-snot friends.

If I don't see you before Thursday, enjoy your turkey funeral. I'm whipping up a Turtle Island feast and going to the movies.