Heywood

New Haven, CT --

Heywood V.B., loving fish, brilliant oracle, lifetime cat companion and inspiration to all, died in his bowl yesterday of natural causes. He was four years old.

Heywood was known among friends as a champion swimmer and dedicated bubble nest builder. Always there when you needed someone to listen, Heywood knew the most important thing in life was to be there when someone needed a fin to cry on.

Heywood lived longer than any other betta splendens in the history of humankind, and had he not bid farewell to earthly delights via the commode, scientists would be arguing over his humble remains. In his lifetime, Heywood maintained no less than five addresses, and even survived the addition of a feline to the household.

In an unlikely state of affairs, Heywood took to reciting poetry to entertain the cat while the humans were at work all day. ChaCha and Heywood fell deeply in love, though could never truly consummate their relationship due to environmental differences.

Heywood leaves a cat, ChaCha; and a human, Victoria. A memorial service will be held this afternoon. In lieu of flowers, please send brine shrimp.