So Friday I was relayed a message that there was a position opening up at the shelter in Lynnwood. Just to recap, my current employment involves a 6-month temp job as an administrative assistant, and a part-time seasonal position at Cat City, which is a smaller branch of the Lynnwood shelter. Pretty much everything right now is temporary, and not just in the Buddhist sense of the word.
I've been waiting for this stupid temp job to come to fruition. Except my intentions have changed over the past week. My contract is up September 8th -- in two weeks. I was expecting at the end of the six months to have a permanent job (read as: benefits, security, health insurance, paid days off, etc.) or be released from the position all together. What I discovered is that they are intending to extend my temp contract another 3 - 6 months (is a year-long position really "temporary"?) and then decide whether or not to keep me on as permanent staff. Grrrr.
I was initially kind of pissed about this turn of events. I expected this week to know where I stood employment wise, and I had every intention of accepting a full-time position at my 9-5 office gig a least for another year. And then do what -- I'm not sure.
But lots of things changed Friday. I received notice of this open position at the Lynnwood shelter. And that launched me into some mental gymnastics. Because my first reaction was that I don't want to work in Lynnwood, and I don't want to work at the central shelter full-time. The commute is unnecessary, and the environment there is overwhelmingly negative, emotionally draining, and bleak. I want to run Cat City.
This lead to a discussion of running cat city with another staff member. To make a long story short, it's impossible because of the division of labor there (for example, one woman has worked the Sunday shift for seven years). And even if I did work Cat City full-time, in the winter the hours are cut back a lot, so it wouldn't even be technically "full-time".
So now what? If I don't really want to work full-time in Lynnwood, and I can't work full-time at Cat City, what does that mean for my animal welfare employment as a career? And should I continue to set my sights on Paws when I'm not gung-ho about the options?
Seattle shelter had a position listed last week as well. It was for a full-time animal control officer, essentially the same job as the one being offered at Lynnwood. I realized I didn't want to do that job either, and it's not because of the commute, which was my initial misgiving with the other position. So honestly, I don't think being an animal control officer, up to my neck in poop and surrounded by disgruntled members of the public, is the best dedication of my resources. I feel like I need to be doing something... more.
So I came to the realization that yes, I do want to continue my work in animal welfare. But that work does not have to be full time to be fulfilling, and it does not have to be at the shelter, whether in Lynnwood or Seattle. I have my web site that is nearly complete, and I have the book I have begun writing on City Cats, and I can volunteer a few hours a week at Cat City. And perhaps that would be enough to satisfy that area of my life.
Because even if I did "pay my dues" by performing shit work for crappy pay for a year or two at the Lynnwood shelter, if I were to move (which I no doubt will in the next 5 or so years) I would be starting from scratch at another location. Shelters just don't have that many paid positions, and the ones they do have are usually filled from within by people who have already been employed there or have been volunteering for some time.
This was a lot to think about on Friday.
I decided to revisit Plan B, which you may remember, is massage therapy school. My application is already in at Brenneke and I had my admissions interview at the end of June. I told them I needed some time to see where things were going with the shelter before I committed to school this fall.
The money issue was the main one holding me back. In order to pay for school, I would have to work full-time while going. I know from experience now that this won't work. That's why it ended up on the back burner for the past two months. But I finally broke it all down and called my parents and said, "You said you'd help me go back to school. I'm sorry that I don't want to be a nurse like you wish I did, but this is what I'm going for, and I need to know if you're willing to still help me out." It was uncharacteristically direct of me, but what the fuck. I feel like I've been tiptoeing around people my whole life. I'm ready to ask for what I need. I need money to go back to school. If they can't swing it, or they don't want to contribute to my life of prostitution as a body worker, fine. But I need an answer. I can't live in half-truths and shadows and stories that I continually tell myself to feel better about a situation where I'm not accepted for who I am.
They said yes. They would help me. I would not need to be employed full-time in order to go to school. 20-30 hours a week would be sufficient.
I called Brenneke on Monday and told them I wanted to move forward with enrollment. They were pleased as punch, and the admissions director said she loved to see people actually take time out to think about their life decisions, and she thought I'd do well since I'd done the thinking and weighed the choices and was making a conscious commitment.
Classes start September 6th, the day before my last day at my office job.
The remaining battle has been deciding what I want to do for part-time work while going to school. Because I could take that position at Lynnwood -- it's Friday, Saturday and Sunday. School is Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. It would work out time-wise. But -- I just don't know. I see the possibility of sitting on my ass for a bunch of four hour shifts at a desk for $15 an hour, juxtaposed with cleaning dog crap on my hands and knees during an eleven hour Saturday shift for $10 an hour... and I think, how about that office job? Because while it might not be as "rewarding" to work at the office job, I don't need my part-time job to be rewarding right now because I'm going to school for something rewarding. And school itself is a noble purpose and will fill me with a sense of direction. So why not just have an easy job opening mail and answering phones for twice what I'd make at the shelter, minus the back pain, minus the emotional strain, minus the forty-five minute commute?
There's a lot to think about.
I applied for two part-time positions today. I have one interview on Thursday. I am interviewing for the Lynnwood shelter job tomorrow. I told them I was interested, and since I'm not 100% certain where I'm going, I thought I'd at least interview and leave the opportunity open for myself. I applied for this awesome job today at an environmental landscaping company a few blocks from my house. It's 30 hours a week, and $17 an hour, and they want someone with "wordsmithing skills" and someone who can type *really* fast. Is 110 WPM enough? They said they were reviewing my resume. I honestly don't think they'll be able to resist me.
My head hurts. I've been doing so much Thinking, and it's all Big stuff, and it's all happening quite fast. But that's how I function. When there's decisions that need to be made, I jump in and make them. They're not always the best decisions, but I'd rather make a bad decision than sit on my hands and procrastinate taking charge of my destiny.
Know what I mean?
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