jaspurrrr

Jasper has had a hard time of it as a feline. He found himself homeless, in Ballard of all places, the row of dumpsters behind Hattie's Hat his nightly buffet. All you can eat. Of course, it was mostly beer and burnt fries, but hey -- take what you can get.

Then, much to his delight, a Fellow Named After a Type of Fabric scooped up the hungry Cat and brought him home to figure out what to do with him. The Fellow Named After a Type of Fabric wanted to keep this beautiful Cat, but his two resident felines disagreed. One took to beating the crap out of the Cat nightly so he hid under the bed until the Fellow Named After a Type of Fabric found another home for him.

So on the Cat went to this Woman Artist's studio. She was a Woman Artist who couldn't be bothered with animals but had some mice she wanted "taken care of", so she became the Cat's host for a little while. She cut down his food supply to encourage the culling of rodents in her studio. Mostly she Painted and Went to Africa on Trips, leaving him with the mice.

Enter the Guy Named After a Sandwich. He had a tiny apartment, two jobs, and an enormous heart. He met the Woman Artist at one of the restaurants where he waited tables, and she told him that she needed the beast removed from her space ASAP. So the Guy Named After a Sandwich did the only humane thing. He took in the bewildered homeless Cat and fell in love with him. He called the cat "Samson", but with a Spanish accent so it sounded like "Simpson".

Unfortunately, the Guy Named After a Sandwich realized after a few weeks that he was returning to his home country and could not take Samson with him. He looked into the possibility of bringing Samson home with him, but the quarantine laws were inhumane, and further upheaval of Samson's life would stress him out irreparably. He was already a bit neurotic by now, never knowing where he'd end up one day to the next.

Enter Girl With a Soft Spot for Blue Eyes. She received a photo of this big, beautiful, slightly neurotic Samson. Looking at his coloring, one could assume that his father was a Siamese having an inter-racial love affair with the neighbor's calico. So Girl With a Soft Spot for Blue Eyes consulted the Boy Who is Really a Dog Person, and they consulted their already-adopted companion, the beautiful, slightly neurotic Cat With a Chew-button. It appears that Cat With a Chew-button's Siamese mother had an affair with the neighbor's tabby, hence the colorpoint stripes. So it made sense that these two cats could be half-siblings, in some weird way.

Girl With a Soft Spot for Blue Eyes and Boy Who is Really a Dog Person picked up Samson from the Guy Named After a Sandwich and brought him to their boat, the S.S. Octopus of Loooove, where they live.

On the S.S. Octopus of Loooove, Samson made three things very clear: he has lots of stories to tell, he likes to sleep on giant rolls of vinyl, and his name is not, in fact, Samson.