I am now accepting applications for a House Boy. The necessity of this position being filled in my home has become increasingly clear to me. For your services, you will receive free room and board, on-street parking, and audio/visual appliances at your disposal. House includes: front and back porch, back yard with hammock, eat-in kitchen, air conditioning, cable internet -- all just a five minute walk to the subway.
The job entails the following: We will have sex at 6:00 each evening when I return from work. You must then prepare a delicious dinner for our enjoyment, do the dishes, give me a bath, and read to me until I fall asleep. As I dream away, you will be free to roam the city and pursue any felicitous adventures you desire as long as you are home by 7:00 a.m. so I can make you breakfast.
House Boys must be cute and slightly shy with the ability to nod and smile. Knowledge of vegetarian meal preparation a plus.
If you would like to apply for this position, drop me a line. I seriously injured my back last week and spent ten days laid out in violent pain and packed in ice. My friends ame in a constant stream of care-taking, cigarette and iced coffee procurement, movie delivery and dish washing, for which I am eternally grateful. But I think it was all that time on the couch unable to get up and do anything for myself that affirmed my need for a House Boy.
I might go over to craigslist now and see if I can drum up any takers. Hold me back, folks.
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