Soupless in Somerville

I have to update, if only because it furthers my eternal pursuit of procrastination. I do not want to write about wireless networking on this beautiful December day. I'm kicking and screaming.

The best news I received all week is that I no longer have to write for Campbell's. It was the sand in my shoe for the past year and now I am free to settle my conscience without encouraging 600,000 Americans daily to garnish frozen chicken with condensed soup that has no nutritional value and 900 mg. of sodium per serving. Though I will miss playing with terminology like, "Breasts should be plump but firm, pale in color," and, "Hocks should be marbled gently with fat." Tell me about the hocks.

So yesterday I was walking around and my walkman decided to commit suicide on the pavement. The hyper-titanium case did not survive the impact. I watched it fall in slow motion, "Nooooooo!" and then stared at it in disbelief on the sidewalk. The door was stuck ajar and no amount of squishing or praying could set it right. It wouldn't have been such a tragedy if the thing hadn't cost me four hundred dollars. I mean, my last car didn't even cost me four hundred dollars.

I dragged my feet dejectedly into my local chain audio/video retailer, teary eyed. I held up the mangled minidisc player in surrender. The nice man behind the counter winced in a shared moment of compassion. He offered his palm and I placed it there neatly. "You want me to look into fixing it?" he asked me. "It's pretty expensive to have someone look at it, isn't it?" And he agreed with me. "Hold on, I'll be right back." He disappeared into the back room.

I stood sadly by the cash register, looking at the new Sonys in bright blue and orange. I even watched a few minutes of Shrek, which completely bugged me out. That shit reminds me too much of that naked dancing baby movie that was circulating a while ago. Creepsville.

The nice man came back with a shiny new version of my streetworn walkman, and handed it to me. I followed him to the cash register. "You're all set," he said. "What?" I asked in disbelief. He nodded violently toward the door. "You're ALL SET." I ran.

So two wonderful things have happened today already and it's only noon.

Okay, a third wonderful thing -- I have successfully put off writing this article for thirteen entire minutes. I must succumb now. Do you know how a wireless network could be cost-effective and beneficial for your small business? Me neither. But I've got 800 words on it due at four o'clock.

At least I've been released from that whole soup fiasco.